Obamacles of Illinus:Epic Poem "The Idiossey"

Fresh from the pen of Iowahawk is "The Idiossey.The "Not-Really-That-Epic Poem of Obamacles, with appologies to Homer." The beginning question for the Muse sets the scene,

"Speak to me, O Muse, of this resourceful man
who strides so boldly upon the golden shrine of Potomac,
Between Ionic plywood columns, to the kleig light altar.
Fair Obamacles, favored of the gods, ascends to Olympus
Amidst lusty tributes and the strumming lyres of Media;"

and tells us the tale of Obamacles' many adventures until he reached the Isle of Manhattus

"Yet bold Obamacles was equal to the challenge. "Give us your thesis," said the masters at Columbius,
and Obamacles conjured a mighty paper on Soviet disarmament, double-spaced and expertly margined.
Its beauty was such that the masters wept, and laid a baccalaureate wreath upon him;
But the masters ordered the beautiful thesis destroyed that so no mortal would again read it."

and on to Chicago, where before meeting the fair Victimia, the Oracle Speaks:

" 'Prepare at Kaplan for thy LSATs, for the abyss of uselessness at Harvard Law awaits.
And then must you return to Chicago to conquer the legion of monsters.' "

After returning to Chicago, Obamacles is yet again tested in the battle for Demos where Hildusa is slain after warning of "a phalanx of Chicagomon, the demons from the pits of Illinois." Obamacles trials continue through the Contest of November, his battle with Crustius who has grown old while sailing the Sea of Maverikus. Finally, Obamacles emerges victorious:

"Now behold him, brave Obamacles,
Who strides triumphant down Pennsylvania Avenue,
With Victimia at his side in a gown of golden brocade,
Hewn from the finest hotel draperies.
Behold his ascent to the marble dais to swear his oath,
Which Justice Roberts flubs; so dazzled is he by our hero's pure magnificence."

I am sure you will want to read Iowahawk's entire poem, a gem which is bound to take your mind off the adventures of Burris, confounding us all in Illinois this cold, sunny February day.